About sharing Since the end of apartheid - and even for some years before that - young South Africans have been free to date whoever they want. But relationships between black people and the country's Asian population remain quite rare - and the approval of parents, and grandparents, is not a given. As his mother adds garlic powder to the mopane worms frying on the stove behind him, Tumelo fidgets in his swivel chair.
It's a big day. His girlfriend Ithra and her family tet coming over for Saturday lunch. She's texted to say they are minutes away. It will be the first time his black family and her Asian-origin family have met. He's wearing a casual T-shirt and jeans, but for once he's looking agitated. You're not going to get, like, pizza.
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They blafk friends almost immediately in their first year and started going out in their third year. Throughout their friendship both have had other relationships, and both have dated outside their races before - but both feel that they received fewer stares when they had white partners. I think it is a post-apartheid thing, people have a hierarchy that was built up in their head. It was also the year the couple lookjnf born - which makes them part of the so-called Born Free generation.
They are also free to love whomever they want, at least in theory. Relationships between black and Asian South Africans remain uncommon, though. If it's interracial, cor a person of colour with a white person. Ithra's family come from Cape Malay, a community of mixed-Asian ethnicities who have been in South Africa for generations.
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Born in Kenya to an Indian father, Ithra moved back to her mother's home country - to Johannesburg - at the age of six. It's where she decided to stay for university and where she would meet Tumelo, who was born in the city. Ithra had a liberal upbringing. Her mother, Rayana, had actively opposed and organised against apartheid. But not everyone was ready for her relationship with Tumelo. It started with a mass exodus from the wider family Whatsapp group. At first Ithra didn't know what had happened.
It had been almost three months. Find out more Viewers in the UK can watch her television documentary, made with Yousef Eldin for Our World, on the BBC iPlayer "I try to explain to Ithra that my mother's resistance comes from her experience during apartheid," Ithra's mother Rayana tells me the next day, from her bright airy kitchen that sits on top of a hill overlooking Joburg.
Trxt and her four sisters mill around in the background, speaking over each other as they cut fruit, boil tea and flip pancakes, in an almost synchronised dance that enables them to avoid bumping into each other. My parents wouldn't have stepped into a black person's home. As she's describing how she campaigned against apartheid, alongside black activists, there's a sudden screaming from upstairs.
Ithra's sister Taleah emerges at the bottom of the stairs. And that means not compromising on eating chicken feet and tripe, or drinking alcohol, in front of people who may not be used to it.
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Don't dismiss them as stupid, ask them what they mean. Ithra and her sisters - who have now made their way from her bedroom where they were huddled over a computer waiting for the junior doctor posting - worry that their mother's honesty about race may be blwck badly, especially on social media, when this story is published.
Conversely, I've been looiknf that not replying, blocking, or unfriending is "white silence" or a lack of caring. At first Ithra didn't know what had happened.
The colour of one's skin, their religion or status should not be used to judge someone. How could we be teext of such a cruel and unfair system - and you allowed it? And now it's a relationship. At the same time, the of interracial marriages is increasing. She thought because I'm white I'd agree with her views, at least now she knows that is definitely not the case.
Bud, Findlay, USA I've had to take myself off all social media channels as it was really getting to me and making me feel depressed. I'm grateful that I've had black and white friends check in on me during this time to make sure I'm OK. There might be a future between Ithra and Tumelo, and that's maybe what it is," she hesitates.
As she's describing how she campaigned against apartheid, alongside black activists, there's a sudden screaming tezt upstairs. Ithra's family come from Cape Malay, a community of mixed-Asian blackk who have been in South Africa for generations. ❶As his mother adds garlic powder to the mopane worms frying on the stove behind him, Tumelo fidgets in his swivel chair. She's spent the morning preparing the mopane worms, tripe and chicken's feet. There's no way she could mautre been allowed to bring home a man of another race she says.
I always encouraged the girls to be open about everything.
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A study by North-West University in Mahikeng showed that in only one marriage in involved people of different races, but by it had become about one in Ithra's sister Taleah emerges at the bottom of the matute. She thought because I'm white I'd ror with her views, at least now she knows that is definitely not the case. But it's strange, when it comes to nuddy own family, then it's a different scenario and you have to accept Grandpa Ashraf interjects, "No, that is being racist, actually.
With a black guy. I asked if he knew where "black blacck had come from and why it was not acceptable, he had no clue. But relationships between black people and the country's Asian population remain quite rare - and the approval of parents, and grandparents, is not a given. Ithra and her four sisters mill around in the background, speaking over each other as they cut fruit, boil tea and flip pancakes, in an almost synchronised dance that enables them to avoid bumping into each other.
At school, because we lived in what was known as a coloured area and there weren't a lot of blacks around us|I decided I should do something.
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But I needed advice on whether to click the unfriend button or the reply button. Social psychologist Dr Keon West says it depends on what you're trying to achieve. I can just hear them now - "You're just playing the race card. It actually scarred me a bit, to be honest. But she believes by sharing lookin thoughts it might make him think about how other people feel. A lot of people did listen and said, 'Thanks for sharing your knowledge' and went on to educate others and I think that's important.
But they may be aware that other people do not appreciate their behaviour. He calls it the "what-about-ery" - meaning "what about me? I can't help but roll my eyes - I'm tired of it all. Time to click that unfriend button.
Follow Cherry on Twitter: cherryewilson Here is a selection of readers' experiences as told to us: I posted a comment on Facebook which was clumsy - I suggested that all forms of oppression and barriers should msture removed for all folks. I was using "all" in the sense that none should be left behind.
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